In both 'Jessie Emily Schofield' and 'On Aging' the speakers describe their attitudes t... - AI essay feedback

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In both 'Jessie Emily Schofield' and 'On Aging' the speakers describe their attitudes t... - AI essay feedback

Both poems present different views of growing old as "Jessie Emily Schofield" shows the old as fragile and in need of help, whilst "On Aging" shows the old does not need help. The metaphor in "Jessie Emily Schofield" the metaphor "like a learning child" suggests that the speaker's grandparent is naive and even though she's physically old she is mentally young and is in need of help. Unlike in "On Aging" which shows the speaker is independent and needs no sympathy or help "don't bring me no rocking chair." This tells the readers she can do it herself and is not fragile or weak no matter the circumstance she is in. However, even though both poems present different views on aging, they both show that the old person is still mentally their old self. In "Jessie Emily Schofield" it shows the speaker's grandmother to be "small" and described as a "child," hinting that she is naive but perhaps still holds that same person she has been then in "On aging" it definitely shows the speaker saying she has not changed "I'm the same person I was back then." This tells the readers despite their age, they have not changed at all, like the grandmother in "Jessie Emily Schofield." Both poems represent the old differently, but show that their mind is the same and even though some old people need help, some don't. They are the same person from all those years ago.

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Mark

5/8

Paragraphs Feedback

The introduction effectively sets up the comparison between the two poems, clearly stating the different views on aging. However, it could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the specific methods used in each poem to convey these views.
The analysis of the metaphor in 'Jessie Emily Schofield' is a good start, but it lacks depth. Expanding on how this metaphor affects the reader's understanding of the speaker's attitude towards aging would strengthen the argument. For example, explain how the comparison to a 'learning child' evokes feelings of sympathy or concern.
The point about 'On Aging' is clear, but it would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the language used. Discussing how the phrase 'don't bring me no rocking chair' reflects the speaker's attitude towards independence and strength would enhance the analysis.
The third paragraph introduces an interesting idea about the mental state of the characters, but it could be more focused. Instead of just stating that both characters are mentally the same, consider analyzing how the poets use specific language or imagery to convey this idea.
The conclusion summarizes the main points well, but it could be more impactful. Instead of just restating that both poems show the old as the same person, consider reflecting on the broader implications of these attitudes towards aging in society.
Overall, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and deeper analysis of the poets' methods. Incorporating more literary terminology and discussing the effects of the language used would elevate the response.

What Went Well

The essay clearly identifies the different attitudes towards aging in both poems and makes relevant comparisons. The use of specific quotes supports the points made, demonstrating an understanding of the texts.

Even Better If

To achieve a higher mark, the essay should include more detailed analysis of the poets' methods, such as specific language choices, imagery, and structure. Additionally, incorporating more literary terminology and exploring the effects of these methods on the reader would strengthen the response.

Overall Feedback

The essay presents a clear comparison of the two poems regarding attitudes towards aging. While it identifies key differences and similarities, the analysis lacks depth in exploring the poets' methods. More specific examples and a deeper understanding of how language creates meaning would enhance the overall quality of the response.