The introduction effectively sets up the comparison between the two poems, clearly stating the different views on aging. However, it could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the specific methods used in each poem to convey these views.
The analysis of the metaphor in 'Jessie Emily Schofield' is a good start, but it lacks depth. Expanding on how this metaphor affects the reader's understanding of the speaker's attitude towards aging would strengthen the argument. For example, explain how the comparison to a 'learning child' evokes feelings of sympathy or concern.
The point about 'On Aging' is clear, but it would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the language used. Discussing how the phrase 'don't bring me no rocking chair' reflects the speaker's attitude towards independence and strength would enhance the analysis.
The third paragraph introduces an interesting idea about the mental state of the characters, but it could be more focused. Instead of just stating that both characters are mentally the same, consider analyzing how the poets use specific language or imagery to convey this idea.
The conclusion summarizes the main points well, but it could be more impactful. Instead of just restating that both poems show the old as the same person, consider reflecting on the broader implications of these attitudes towards aging in society.
Overall, the essay could benefit from more specific examples and deeper analysis of the poets' methods. Incorporating more literary terminology and discussing the effects of the language used would elevate the response.
The essay clearly identifies the different attitudes towards aging in both poems and makes relevant comparisons. The use of specific quotes supports the points made, demonstrating an understanding of the texts.
To achieve a higher mark, the essay should include more detailed analysis of the poets' methods, such as specific language choices, imagery, and structure. Additionally, incorporating more literary terminology and exploring the effects of these methods on the reader would strengthen the response.
The essay presents a clear comparison of the two poems regarding attitudes towards aging. While it identifies key differences and similarities, the analysis lacks depth in exploring the poets' methods. More specific examples and a deeper understanding of how language creates meaning would enhance the overall quality of the response.