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The first paragraph attempts to analyze the tension built through the hyena's actions, but it lacks clarity and coherence. To improve, focus on clearly explaining how the short sentence structure contributes to the buildup of tension. For example, you could elaborate on how the abruptness of the sentence mirrors Pi's fear.
The second paragraph discusses the ending but does not effectively connect it to the overall structure of the text. To enhance this section, explain how the hyena's action at the end serves as a structural twist that shifts the reader's expectations. You could also clarify the emotional impact on the reader and how it relates to the buildup of tension throughout the piece.
The essay shows an attempt to engage with the text and identify moments of tension, which is relevant to the question. The mention of specific lines indicates an effort to use textual evidence to support points.
To achieve a higher mark, the essay should provide clearer and more structured analysis. Each point made should be elaborated with specific examples of how structural choices affect the reader's experience. Additionally, ensure that the use of subject terminology is accurate and relevant.
The essay demonstrates some understanding of structural features and attempts to analyze their effects on the reader. However, the analysis lacks depth and clarity, and the connections between points are not well-developed. More focus on how specific structural choices create tension and influence the reader's emotions would strengthen the response.