You need to refer to Source A and Source B for this question. Both sources describe the... - AI essay feedback

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You need to refer to Source A and Source B for this question. Both sources describe the... - AI essay feedback

Use TILFFrom MM

Use TILFFrom MM

The writer of Source A speaks about the large sizes of the paddleboards used compared to the smaller paddleboards seen by the writer of Source B. Source A states that the boards were "eleven feet long, twenty-four inches wide", from which readers can infer that the boards were mighty and therefore reflected the skills of the surfers. The dimensions of 'length' and 'width' exaggerate how the board takes up space on the sea, and the surfers are able to control such a great piece of wood with such skill. In contrast, Source B states that the boards are a mere "six to nine feet long", which shows that the Hawaiian town of Hilo may be less experienced in paddleboarding at the time, hence their smaller-sized boards. Thus, the difference in sizes of the boards used by the surfers could be perceived as a result of the levels of skill by the surfers in their respective regions. As well as this, in Source A, the paddleboards are made out of "redwood", "balsa wood", or are simply "hollow", from which it is possible to gauge that surfing was not very developed. The use of natural material such as wood reflects that surfing was not as globalized as it is now, with boards being made out of durable materials. In Source B, similarly, the boards are "hand-carved", suggesting that surfing is also quite unpopular. Hand carving requires very intricate detail, so the use of hand carving may imply that surfing was not something everyone on the island would participate in.

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Mark

7/8

Paragraphs Feedback

In the first paragraph, while you effectively compare the sizes of the boards from both sources, you could enhance your analysis by explicitly linking the size differences to the cultural or historical context of surfing in each location. For example, you could discuss how the larger boards in Source A might reflect a more established surfing culture, whereas the smaller boards in Source B could indicate a nascent or less widespread practice.
In the second paragraph, you mention the materials used for the boards, which is good. However, to improve, you should provide more specific details from both sources about the materials and their implications. For instance, you could elaborate on how the choice of materials in Source A reflects the technological advancements in surfing, compared to the more traditional methods in Source B. This would strengthen your comparison and synthesis of the texts.

What Went Well

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the differences between the boards described in both sources, particularly in terms of size and materials. The use of specific quotes from the texts supports your points effectively, showing a good level of textual engagement.

Even Better If

To achieve a higher mark, focus on deepening your analysis by connecting the details you provide to broader themes or implications about surfing culture in each source. Additionally, ensure that you synthesize the information from both sources more cohesively, rather than treating them separately.

Overall Feedback

Overall, the essay provides a solid summary of the differences between the surfing boards in Source A and Source B. It effectively uses textual evidence to support its points. However, to reach a higher level, the response should include more detailed analysis and synthesis of the texts, linking the specifics to the cultural context of surfing in each region.