In the first paragraph, you effectively identify the different perspectives of the writers in Source A and Source B. To improve, consider expanding on how the tone created by the writer in Source A affects the reader's understanding of his experiences. For example, you could discuss how the use of 'scarred' not only reflects his trauma but also evokes empathy from the reader. This would enhance your analysis of the writer's methods and deepen your comparison.
In the second paragraph, you make a good comparison between the distant view of the writer in Source A and the sympathetic view of the writer in Source B. However, you could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples of how the language used in Source B conveys empathy. For instance, you could analyze the emotional impact of the phrase 'cry like the softest-hearted women' in more detail, discussing how it evokes a sense of compassion and connection to the patients.
You demonstrate a clear understanding of the different feelings and perspectives of the writers in both sources, effectively highlighting their contrasting views on medical care.
Your use of specific textual evidence, such as quotes and language features, supports your points well and shows a good grasp of how the writers convey their emotions.
The analysis of the tone and lexical choices in both sources is insightful, particularly in how it reflects the writers' attitudes towards their work.
To achieve a higher grade, ensure that you not only identify the methods used by the writers but also analyze their effect on the reader. For example, explain how the distant tone in Source A might lead the reader to feel disconnected from the patients.
Incorporate more varied methods of comparison, such as discussing the structure or overall tone of the pieces. This could involve comparing how the narrative style in each source influences the reader's perception of the writers' experiences.
Consider concluding with a summary of how these different perspectives on medical care reflect broader themes in healthcare, such as empathy versus detachment. This would provide a more comprehensive comparison and strengthen your overall argument.