The introduction effectively sets up the comparison between the two sources, clearly stating the differing attitudes towards elephants. To improve, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement that outlines the main points of comparison you will discuss.
This paragraph presents a clear comparison of the attitudes in both sources, using specific examples. However, it could benefit from a deeper analysis of how the language used conveys these attitudes. For instance, explore the connotations of the words 'ravaging' and 'celebrated' in more detail.
The discussion of the changing attitudes in both sources is insightful. To enhance this paragraph, include more textual evidence to support your claims about Orwell's pity and Bartlett's profit-driven care. This will strengthen your argument.
This paragraph introduces interesting points about the childishness of Bartlett's attitude. However, it could be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of how the methods used in both texts convey these attitudes. For example, discuss the implications of the phrase 'best friends' in the context of Bartlett's treatment of the elephant.
The analysis of Orwell's sympathy is strong, but it could be more effective if you linked it back to the methods used in the text. Consider discussing how Orwell's logical reasoning contrasts with the crowd's emotional response and how this is reflected in his language.
This paragraph presents a compelling comparison of the pressures faced by both writers. To improve, consider breaking it into two separate paragraphs to allow for a more detailed exploration of each writer's perspective. This will help clarify your points.
The conclusion summarizes the main points well, but it could be more impactful. Consider reiterating the significance of the differing attitudes towards elephants and how these reflect broader themes of empathy versus profit in human-animal relationships.
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the differing attitudes towards elephants in both sources. It effectively uses textual evidence to support comparisons and shows an awareness of the writers' methods.
To achieve a higher mark, the essay should include more detailed analysis of the language and methods used in both texts. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single point of comparison will enhance clarity and coherence.
Overall, the essay provides a thoughtful comparison of the writers' attitudes towards elephants, supported by relevant textual evidence. However, to reach a higher mark, it needs to delve deeper into the analysis of methods and ensure that each point is clearly articulated and supported.