In the first paragraph, while you introduce the poems and their themes effectively, you could enhance your comparison by explicitly stating how each poet's perspective on damaged relationships differs. For example, you might clarify that Hardy's focus is on the permanence of emotional pain, whereas Sheers highlights the possibility of reconciliation. This would provide a clearer framework for your analysis.
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the themes in both poems, particularly in how natural imagery and pathetic fallacy are used to convey the poets' feelings about damaged relationships. The use of specific textual references, such as the 'pond' in NT and the 'clouds' in WS, effectively supports your interpretations.
To achieve a higher mark, you should aim to deepen your analysis of the poets' methods. For instance, when discussing Hardy's use of pathetic fallacy, you could explore how it not only reflects the woman's coldness but also enhances the overall mood of despair in the poem. Additionally, consider integrating more subject terminology to strengthen your analysis of the poets' techniques.
Overall, the essay presents a thoughtful comparison of how 'Winter Swans' and 'Neutral Tones' address damaged romantic relationships. The analysis is well-structured and supported by relevant textual evidence. However, to reach a higher level, you should focus on providing a more nuanced exploration of the poets' differing perspectives and a more detailed examination of their literary methods.