summary about the different types of boards used by surfers - AI essay feedback

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summary about the different types of boards used by surfers - AI essay feedback

Use TILFFrom ZZZZ

Use TILFFrom ZZZZ

Source A implies a cultural trend adopted through 'balsa wood boards just starting to appear' showing how boards were were gained through commerce and therefore had less value due to the relation of how that board was received; however, in source B it is implied to be a tradition in their culture as seen through their relationship with their board. The board is described as 'usually made of wood from the native breadfruit tree', compared with the various types of wood A which suggest cultural experimentation, Source B has more customs as further shown through the boards being 'well oiled' and 'blessed in a simple ritual', which also implies a closer bond between the board and surfer and the surfers deeper knowledge of the surf board through self dedication to gain the board which creates these customs that become tradition rather than an injection of a pop culture wave. (Draft 1)

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Mark

8/8

Paragraphs Feedback

The first paragraph presents a complex analysis of the differences between the boards in Source A and Source B, but it could benefit from clearer organization. Consider breaking it into smaller sentences to enhance clarity. For example, separate the ideas about commerce and tradition into distinct sentences to make your points more accessible.

What Went Well

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the cultural significance of the surfboards in both sources. It effectively contrasts the commercial aspect of the boards in Source A with the traditional and ritualistic approach in Source B, showing a deep engagement with the texts.

Even Better If

To achieve a higher mark, the essay should include more specific textual references and quotes from both sources to support the claims made. Additionally, simplifying some of the language and structure would help improve clarity and coherence. For instance, instead of saying 'boards were were gained through commerce', you could say 'boards were acquired through commercial means', which is clearer.

Overall Feedback

Overall, the essay provides a thoughtful comparison of the surfboards used by surfers in both sources, highlighting important cultural differences. However, it lacks sufficient textual evidence and could be more clearly organized to enhance understanding. Focusing on these areas will help improve the overall quality of the response.