The introduction presents a clear thesis, but it could benefit from a more focused statement regarding the duality of male representation in Skirrid Hill. Consider explicitly stating how both bullies and positive figures are represented to set a clearer framework for your argument.
In the second paragraph, the analysis of 'Late Spring' is insightful, but it would be stronger with more direct quotations to support your points about the grandfather's character. For example, when discussing the 'semantic field of technical language,' include specific examples of this language to enhance your argument.
The third paragraph effectively discusses the breakdown of masculine stereotypes, but the connection between the grandfather's actions and the dismantling of toxic masculinity could be more explicitly stated. Consider elaborating on how these actions contrast with societal expectations of masculinity.
In the fourth paragraph, the discussion of the Welsh stanza is interesting, but it lacks clarity on how this form contributes to the overall theme of masculinity. Expanding on the significance of this choice would strengthen your argument.
The analysis of 'Drinking with Hitler' is strong, particularly in the depiction of Dr. Hunsvi. However, the paragraph could be improved by more clearly linking the examples back to the thesis about bullying and failure in masculinity. Ensure that each point ties back to the central argument.
The conclusion summarizes the main points well, but it could be more impactful by reiterating the significance of these contrasting representations of masculinity in the context of contemporary society. Consider discussing the broader implications of Sheers' portrayal of men.
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the texts and effectively contrasts the representations of masculinity through detailed analysis. The use of specific examples and literary techniques shows a strong engagement with the texts.
To achieve a higher mark, the essay should include more direct quotations and clearer connections between the analysis and the thesis. Additionally, enhancing the discussion of the significance of literary techniques and their relation to the theme of masculinity would strengthen the argument.
Overall, the essay presents a thoughtful and nuanced discussion of masculinity in Owen Sheers' Skirrid Hill. The contrasting representations of bullies and positive figures are well-explored, but the analysis would benefit from more textual evidence and clearer connections to the central argument. Strengthening these areas could elevate the essay to a higher mark band.