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The first paragraph begins with a vague statement about the writer's use of language. To improve, be more specific about which language techniques are used and how they contribute to the overall effect of the heat. For example, instead of saying 'the writer uses a language,' you could say 'the writer employs vivid imagery and similes to convey the oppressive nature of the heat.' Additionally, clarify the meaning of 'obsession' in this context, as it seems out of place.
The essay attempts to identify some effects of the heat, such as its intensity and the impact it has on the character's actions. The mention of 'heat-waves' and 'heat lizards' introduces visual imagery that can engage the reader.
To achieve a higher mark, provide more detailed analysis of specific language choices and their effects. For instance, explain how the simile 'like flames' not only describes the lizards but also evokes a sense of danger and intensity associated with the heat. Additionally, ensure that all points are clearly articulated and relevant to the question.
The essay shows some understanding of the effects of heat but lacks depth and clarity in analysis. More specific examples and a clearer connection between language choices and their effects on the reader would strengthen the response significantly.